Anyway, the real reason I posted is because I desire to help him learn to understand and regulate his intense emotions.
In order to truly help, I want to fully understand how such a gifted person came to be this way.
In the end, he actually helped me realize my true self by forcing me to assess boundaries.
He was such an unpredictable, gas-lighting crazy maker I had no other choice but to say "Wait a second. Who exactly am I, if I know I am not what he accuses me of being?
It's his sense of self this family is wrapped around validating, with mom some kind of side narcissist feeding off the children being at home with her.
How can I help my partner, in an everyday way, detach from this dysfunctional pattern of relating?
Forum rules This is a support forum for the family, partners and friends of those with mental health issues.
I think one or both of them may be narcissists, and the entire family is enmeshed in one group identity because of it.
I was accused of cheating when I wasn't, endured vicious verbal abuse, threatened physically "I want to paint the walls of my room with your blood" (although he never hit me), the list goes on.
My boyfriend is paranoid and insecure, with bouts of utter rage when I do not allow him to control me.
"The reason I feel he's BPD rather than a covert narcissist is his ability to read other people, it feels empathic.
I have always been adept at knowing what other people are thinking/feeling, so much it was isolating, this ability.
Dad determined what they were allowed to feel/think and mom enforced it, invalidating their feelings so often they're essentially 30 year old adults with the emotional regulation abilities of a toddler.